Turning 30 felt like opening a door I didn’t even know existed. I walked in with this quiet belief that “we’re going to get our blessing this year,” even though I couldn’t tell you what that blessing actually was. It was just something that felt right to say — something that felt like it belonged to me, even if I didn’t understand why.

Now, approaching the end of the year, I finally realize I wasn’t speaking about something external. I wasn’t talking about money or success or a change in circumstances. I was speaking from a place of spiritual recognition. Something in me was hearing God before I understood the language.

What Being Blessed Really Means

One day I heard a sermon where the pastor said,

“Blessed is not what you have. It’s who you are when you are aligned with God.”

And that hit me so deeply I still feel it months later.

When I look back, the blessing wasn’t a moment — it was a becoming. It was the quiet transformation happening inside me while I learned to walk with God, talk to God, and actually notice myself again.

The Season I Stopped Going Out

Earlier this year, I realized I didn’t want to go out anymore. I told my therapist it felt overwhelming and unsafe. And that was true… but it wasn’t the entire truth.

When I got home that day, something inside me whispered a deeper answer:

I stopped going out because I didn’t want to be seen.

And I didn’t want to be seen because I had stopped looking at myself.

Somewhere along the way, I’d disconnected from my own reflection. From my light. From my presence. I shrank not because the world was too big, but because I felt too small.

But God has a gentle way of bringing us back to our own eyes.

The Return

Little by little, it became easier again:

• I went out to dinner for my birthday.

• I said yes to volunteering at church.

• I even committed to continuing it.

These weren’t random choices — they were evidence that something inside me was healing. I wasn’t forcing myself out of hiding. I was growing out of it.

This was me stepping back into the world, but this time with God beside me and within me.

Is This What Becoming Feels Like?

Honestly… yes.

It feels like courage in small doses.

It feels like returning to places you once ran from.

It feels like noticing the parts of yourself you abandoned.

It feels like letting God show you who you are when you’re aligned with Him.

And I’m only just beginning.